I Heart Zombies

I've been meaning to share this post with you readers for a while so I'm ecstatic that I'm FINALLY doing it.  Procrastination guilt, be gone!

So anyone who knows me knows that I have a bizarre attraction to all things zombie-related. I love zombie movies, posters, costumes, books, games, etc.  In fact, there's an old adage that comes to mind when I think about how much I love zombies.  It says that to make something more interesting, you simply need to "put a bird on it."  Well, I find that "putting a zombie on it" works even better.  How much better, you ask?

Consider this collection of things that are at least 1,000 times cooler because they've been zombie-fied:

• Oil and vinegar shakers
• Classic children's toys, like My Little Pony 
• Oven mits
• Sneakers
• Famous literature

Are you completely disgusted, yet oddly intrigued?  Then my work here is done.... almost.    

You see, I've saved the best for last.  It's quite possibly one of the coolest zombie objects of all time and the raison d'etre for this post.  It's a "fold your own" Zombie calendar!   It's full of sheets of paper with tear-out zombie body parts that you glue together.  I've constructed a few so far this year and it's a lot of fun. 

Here's how it works:

Step 1:  Flip to the current calendar month and start tearing out all the itty bitty paper pieces you're going to glue together to create a zombie.

Step 2:  Double-check that you're on the correct month and realize you've started working on the month ahead (in this case, September).  Start over with the correct month, placing the following month's paper bits in an impenetrable ziplock bag for use when the right time comes.

Step 3:  As you lay out all the pieces in front of you, set the instructions aside and remind yourself not to lose them.  

Step 4:  Glue all of the pieces together as best you can after losing the instructions that you told yourself you wouldn't lose. 

Step 5:   Laugh like a giddy school girl  after noticing that the zombie you're constructing is using a phallic jack hammer.

Step 6:  As you're laughing, glue the zombie's feet on backwards, but don't attempt to fix them.  Lazily defend yourself by claiming the mistake "adds character" to your construction.  

Step 7:  Find the missing instructions and the ziplock baggy with September's paper bits in a state of ruins next to your innocent-looking cat, who just so happens to love paper.

Step 8:  The end.